If I set myself these super high un-realistic goals am I setting my self up for failure or success.
I’m a big dreamer, I set big goals. My friends and family know when I set my mind to something, nothing will stop me from achieving.
2016 it’s the year of the J.O.B!
After Achieving my goal of a National Championship, I had some down time and an injury, and no full time work, I decided to shift my goals from sporting greatness, to a more practical goal of being the best adult I can be.
In April, after some study, and quality interview skillzz, I landed my dream job. Shortly after I had a meeting with my legs, brain, and sponsors, and we (as in me) decided that although it was the year of the J.O.B! I would continue to have another year of sponsorship. Team Lizanne was back in training.
The conditions of my self sponsorship were
- The Job comes first
- Have fun
- Train your a$$ off and kick a$$ at ITS
ITS is my last chance to race a world class field with the maple leaf on my back. I had these grand plans of PB’ing my 200, maybe getting lucky and getting an A final in the keirin. I wanted to go out on a bang. And a bang I did.
On Sunday, while being totally sensible and going to the beach for a swim (and not racing cyclocross). On my way home, I caught an edge of a white line, lost my front wheel, and before I knew it, I was on the ground.
I was winded, and when I went to go pick up my bike, I was devastated, I had dome something to my shoulder, and I couldn’t lift it. I was in tears, not from the pain, but from the disappointment.
On Monday I couldn’t move my arm. I couldn’t ride my bike, so I took the train into work. I booked right in to get it checked out. Good news, it’s not a joint issue, bad news almost all my muscles are spasming and I should rest and not do any activities to aggravate it (like riding my bike). Got it taped, and after consulting the ASADA page, got all the pain killers I could. I managed to get down to the track, and roll around. That was about all. I was happy I could ride my bike, but disappointed at how limited I was.
I had 48h to will myself better.
Wednesday, show time. And new wheels day! (it wasn’t all doom and gloom on day one) Smile, look happy, this is supposed to be fun. New wheels on the bike, do a few laps. I can timidly get out of the saddle but I have no power. Had a chat with Carl, big gear seated acceleration. I pulled out my gear chart, and I had nothing. 126- too big, 102- too small. I didn’t want to run any gears. I settled on 110, I felt the least unhappy about that one, but I still didn’t like it. 20min to go, I prance. My shoulder hurts every time I jump. Rest, contemplate my doom. Then, show time. I’m so embarrassed. I start my wind up, 3, 2, ding ding ding. I’m out of the saddle, couple pedal strokes, nope, sit down. Hit the apex, time starts, back straight, power, push those pedals, final corner… just hold speed. Done, yep, no good.
Off the track, got my time, yep, no good. I sat down, and had a cry. I had prepared myself for a bad time, but not for my personal disappointment. Carl, came over, had a laugh. He told me what I already knew. But on the plus side I qualified 16th out of 17 where 16 went through. I wasn’t a complete gumby. I still got to race.
The actual racing wasn’t too bad. I had the right ideas just not the umph from the legs.
I packed up, had another cry, and iced my shoulder. Tomorrow will be a better day.
Day 2- Keirins
I had a restless sleep, couldn’t get comfy. I slipped my Canadian suit into my bag, today is going to be better. Got to the track, won the battle with getting my skinsuit on. Changed gears, 102, my go to keirin gear. I felt happy, today is better. 20min before the race, pranced, didn’t tweak the arm while jumping. Numbers on, wheels pumped, I’m all set. Shit. Keirins require a standing start. I can do this, if I’m 1 or 2 I’ll get a push, anything more I’ll stay back and drop to the sprinters lane.
I drew 3. Push it is. I got this. Motor bike is on its way, in the bend, in the straight, bang. I get a great push, but didn’t get a good position. I’m stuck at the back. 5 to go, my shoulder hurts, being tucked is using a lot of sore muscles. I want first wheel. As the bike gets ready to peel off I wind up for a flyer. Yew! Here we go, ouch. Got to excited, went to go race like I normally do. All I have is this sharp pain in my left arm, and I am now a spectator in this race. I roll across the line stone cold last.
Thanks to Jun for the photos!
I take a seat, and have another cry. Not because I lost, not because it hurt, but because I couldn’t. I felt like a kid having a tantrum because I was told no to having ice cream. I wanted to race. I didn’t even care if I sucked, I just wanted to have the ability to race, and I didn’t have it. I was angry at myself for crashing so close to such an important race. I was just upset that, no matter how much I wanted things, the answer was no. There was nothing I could do to change it.
The rest of the racing went better.
Repechage- Drew 2, got a push again. No dice, but ended up 4th wheel. Ok, operation suck wheel, pip a spot in round 2 commences. I was sitting 4th so all I needed was one or 2 wheels infront of me to move out of the sprinters lane and I would get a free tow to the finish line. Bike peels off. Not yet, wait for it, wait for it, now! The Malaysian rider infront of me swung outside the red. Yoinks that wheel is mine! Keep the bike up, and go. Not my best race, but got 3rd and made it to round 2!
Round 2- drew 3, Wai Sze Lee was 2. Plan, sit on her wheel. Go time, got her wheel, moto pace time. Wai Sze Lee jumps, lol, as if I was going to go with her (maybe if I had a kick) but she’s a whole different level. Nice try, good idea.
7-12 final- Drew 4th, same plan, suck wheel, get a tow to the finish line. I didn’t follow any attacks, and finished 4th (10th overall) not bad.
Got off had another cry. That racing was not me. I know there is a time and a place for following wheels, but my last races in the Maple Leaf just didn’t feel like the time or place. I was happy with the result but still disappointed with myself.
This goes back to my original statement. I set theses goals, unrealistic goals? Maybe not, but I set them and I set them high. The result is a spectacular mixture of success and disappointment. I’ve had some good crys over the years. And I’m sure I’ll have many more. But the same goals that break me are also the ones that make my life so exciting.